The Milk Challenge.

I came across this facebook page recently -- Breast milk is best, but only if you have breast milk. And after reading through the information, I felt that I had to write something about my experience.

This is for the mothers who painfully and wholeheartedly tried but decided that motherhood is not based on another one's facebook page.

With JG, my firstborn, I was not able to successfully breastfeed him exclusively. No one guided me or perhaps I was just not into it so for one year, I mixed feed him with both my milk and formula.

Before AC was born, I was very determined to breastfeed. I thought I know better, I was more prepared. There are more ways to ensure successful breastfeeding and more support nowadays. We have websites, blogs, facebook pages and lactation consultants. Armed with all these, I purchased the best pump in town and all the other things necessary for successful breastfeeding.

I gave birth in a hospital that is a 100% advocate of breastfeeding. Newborns are roomed in... the babies are actually beside their moms straight from the tummy regardless of how they came into this world -- normal or caesarian.

AC's first two days were promising... not a single drop of formula. During our third day in the hospital, she did not stop crying... I offered my breast, she would latch but got irritated after a few minutes. I kept on asking for the nurse's help but she repeatedly said that my baby just needed a few drops of my milk -- she was fine. After 4 requests and one mad and desperate face, she pushed that I be quickly visited by the resident pediatrician. Two residents came and examined AC. They quickly observed me while breastfeeding and said that it was all about positioning. I resigned to the doctors' advice and adjusted more despite the painful stitches on my tummy.

The following day, our last in the hospital, we realised that AC did not pee nor poop for almost a day. Thank God for her pediatrician. She spent time to observe, examined AC then decided that we should supplement. Before leaving she was given 10ml of supplement... she slept so peacefully for a good 3 hours. Imagine - AC was starving the whole time.

For one month, I strove to feed AC exclusively. I had to supplement once in a while because I just cannot keep up. My supply did grow but not as much as she needed so my days were filled with just feeding and feeding and feeding. 

And then after a month, I decided to give in. I decided to give her a bottle of formula. Why? Because my JG also needed me and my sanity was on the line. 

From then on, i gave her both my milk and formula. I felt a better me. 

AC is almost one and still latches every night. I think we are down to just a few drops of my milk now but she is still fond of me. And yes, so is my 7 year old son.

I salute all mothers who exclusively breastfeed. They have done very well.

But I don't think I am less of a Mom for not being able to do so. And this everyone should openly see and celebrate as well. I felt extremely guilty - not being able to exclusively give the best milk for my baby because they always say, almost all women can do this. And then, I quickly realised that it is not about the milk we give, it is about being a mother and doing a good job as one. 

There are a lot of pressures that mothers need to go through. All the advice and information available are there for us, ONLY as a guide to be the best. At the end of the day, one should just listen to her heart (and to her kids).. that is what it's all about. 

I am a Mom. I am trying my best. And that's enough.