Fishy. Fishy.

A few minutes after I published the entry about our house pets, I found Red Star lying on the his tank on one side. He died.

I was not devastated. I just had to re-live my failed attempts at taking care of an aquatic animal. My little boy, JG, was not sad but was quite scared - it was his first time to see a dead pet. And it did not help that our dinner that night was fish.

I went through a very short period of mourning while I tended to Red Star's vacated tank the next morning. I fixed the plants, cleaned the small cave, brushed the sides of the tank in and out thoroughly.

While I was at it, I realized that it was time to be serious about having a pet fish... thanks to my son's friend who gifted the fish, Red Star the fish and his therapeutic effect during my fish watching time.

That evening, we went to the Pet City in Bonifacio High Street. It has become my favorite store actually - very helpful and very patient to my endless questions and my piecemeal purchases.

We got five -- 3 Pink Danios and 2 Neon Tetras.

Aren't they cute?

And yes, I finally bought a tank filter.

When Red Star was around, I also found out that aquarium planting is relaxing. So I got myself into it. It does not take a lot - pruning and re-planting here and there. Sometimes, I re-position the plants and then, I think about the next plant to add into the small ecosystem.

The tank filter made the water quality even clearer -- I now have a nicer view of my pets and plants.

Extra Housemates.

I grew up with animals around. At one point, my parents' house had tons -- dogs, cats and chickens. Dogs, we had a lot until I grew up. My parents still have dogs until now. Then, there was the time when I attempted to take care of a few goldfish (they all died after two weeks), not to mention the snails I brought home from school (they all crawled away and got lost)! 

I have not seemed to outgrow pets. We did get one three years ago. Our yellow lab named Percy. Here he is now.

We got another dog two years later. This time a chihuahua. We named him Jake. Here he is the day I brought him home.

And now look. All grown up and playful as ever.

And then just recently, my boy got a gift from a classmate for the National Pet Awareness Day. He got a betta fish and named him Red Star.

He was in a fishbowl for a few days. Then, we upgraded his tank!

Red Star now has another companion - a snail named Garri.

I have been contemplating getting some more fish but my strong obsession about conserving electricity has been getting in the way. I know at some point my desire of seeing more fish in the tank will overcome me. Or perhaps, I will end up adopting birds instead.

Coloring Books.

I love coloring since I was a child. I secretly stole a page or two from my younger siblings' coloring books and colored them. Good thing that kind of 'stealing' was not an issue to them so there was no shouting or hair pulling about the coloring books.

Until now, I would color some pages of my son's coloring books. I'd use his used crayolas and at one time I even used his watercolor.

I was ecstatic one afternoon when my boss told me about the latest trend - adult coloring books. They are for the very busy and stressed people who needed zen moments.

Off I went to the malls to get my own books. Here are my books and what I have done so far.

It's amazing how we now "adultize" kid activities. Just goes to show that it is indeed fun to be young.

The Milk Challenge.

I came across this facebook page recently -- Breast milk is best, but only if you have breast milk. And after reading through the information, I felt that I had to write something about my experience.

This is for the mothers who painfully and wholeheartedly tried but decided that motherhood is not based on another one's facebook page.

With JG, my firstborn, I was not able to successfully breastfeed him exclusively. No one guided me or perhaps I was just not into it so for one year, I mixed feed him with both my milk and formula.

Before AC was born, I was very determined to breastfeed. I thought I know better, I was more prepared. There are more ways to ensure successful breastfeeding and more support nowadays. We have websites, blogs, facebook pages and lactation consultants. Armed with all these, I purchased the best pump in town and all the other things necessary for successful breastfeeding.

I gave birth in a hospital that is a 100% advocate of breastfeeding. Newborns are roomed in... the babies are actually beside their moms straight from the tummy regardless of how they came into this world -- normal or caesarian.

AC's first two days were promising... not a single drop of formula. During our third day in the hospital, she did not stop crying... I offered my breast, she would latch but got irritated after a few minutes. I kept on asking for the nurse's help but she repeatedly said that my baby just needed a few drops of my milk -- she was fine. After 4 requests and one mad and desperate face, she pushed that I be quickly visited by the resident pediatrician. Two residents came and examined AC. They quickly observed me while breastfeeding and said that it was all about positioning. I resigned to the doctors' advice and adjusted more despite the painful stitches on my tummy.

The following day, our last in the hospital, we realised that AC did not pee nor poop for almost a day. Thank God for her pediatrician. She spent time to observe, examined AC then decided that we should supplement. Before leaving she was given 10ml of supplement... she slept so peacefully for a good 3 hours. Imagine - AC was starving the whole time.

For one month, I strove to feed AC exclusively. I had to supplement once in a while because I just cannot keep up. My supply did grow but not as much as she needed so my days were filled with just feeding and feeding and feeding. 

And then after a month, I decided to give in. I decided to give her a bottle of formula. Why? Because my JG also needed me and my sanity was on the line. 

From then on, i gave her both my milk and formula. I felt a better me. 

AC is almost one and still latches every night. I think we are down to just a few drops of my milk now but she is still fond of me. And yes, so is my 7 year old son.

I salute all mothers who exclusively breastfeed. They have done very well.

But I don't think I am less of a Mom for not being able to do so. And this everyone should openly see and celebrate as well. I felt extremely guilty - not being able to exclusively give the best milk for my baby because they always say, almost all women can do this. And then, I quickly realised that it is not about the milk we give, it is about being a mother and doing a good job as one. 

There are a lot of pressures that mothers need to go through. All the advice and information available are there for us, ONLY as a guide to be the best. At the end of the day, one should just listen to her heart (and to her kids).. that is what it's all about. 

I am a Mom. I am trying my best. And that's enough.

Parting Ways.

I had her for the last 35 years.

Many people told me to get rid of her but I just could not. Either I did not have time or I thought it would be bad luck to let go of her.

How do you ever part ways with a little mole friend of 35 years?!?

See her resting on my nose.

I must say that she grew up not really as beautiful but I am sure she made me different.

It just felt right and I knew the timing was now. So four days ago, I said goodbye to her (and her twin on my back!).

Still have the stitches on my nose but I can't wait to see the finished product.

Goodbye, Mole/s. Thanks for making me stand out from the rest.

Open Spaces.

I recently went on a trip to London. I {heart} London. I think it is one of the amazing cities in the world, if not the most. With so much history and character, a first timer will always be in awe. Actually, I have been there twice yet I was still in awe.

London has a lot of parks and open spaces. They do not run out of greens. And this is one of the things that I appreciate in this city a lot.

On a sunny day, you will find everyone out enjoying the sun and the grass. They spend a lot of time in the park but make sure that they keep it clean.

During my visit, I tried it for myself. Walked to St. James's Park. Grabbed my coke and phone. Sat on the grass. Watched the passersby and relaxed. It was nice and peaceful.

How I wish we have the same here in Metro Manila. The only one I know is UP. We have Luneta but is it still as grassy and clean? It's been years since I last visited.

I saw High Street yesterday. I think it is the next best thing. And while it's a compromise between concrete and grass, I am happy that most of the time people were allowed to step on the grass.

I have seen parks with cordoned grasses. It's such a shame.

High Street greens welcome everyone... even the pets.

I still think Metro Manila could do better parks with less structures and retail area. But this is fine for now... somewhere where AC can practice walking.

Yoga.

Believe it or not, I have been doing yoga lately.

It all started with a bad back which I had way back. For a while, it has stopped but carrying a baby has helped pave the way for its return.

The overreacting side of me has caused me to panic a bit so off I went to the an orthopedic doctor. He fully supported my then just thoughts about yoga.

My friend Faye was the real yogi in all of this. I always thought that she does not really need yoga as she is super skinny. She was happy to accompany me to Yogaplus and 'ninang' me to my very first yoga class.

Of course, the first yoga experience was not easy. The 90-minute class seemed forever. I am the most un-flexible person I know and the laziest when it comes to working out so lasting the whole class deserved an A for effort.

I learned that yoga is not only for people for who want to lose weight. It is primarily for people who want to be healthy in mind and spirit. I particularly liked the purpose building at the start where the instructor points out that each one of the participants has their own reason to attend class and so be it. Mine were the bad back and a chance to work out after giving birth.

After 12 yoga classes, I am still at it. I am doing Hot Yoga, mind you. My back is not as bad anymore -- could have been better if I do it more often in a week but nah, I do not have the time. My reason has leveled up - I REALLY want to be more healthy and I have put to heart that some kind of activity will be of great help.

No, I do not do the hard poses. I have not graduated from the basic ones. I cannot and have not attempted to do the hand stand (not the correct yoga name for it). I do not do my practice apart from the once a week class. And my favorite pose is still the savasana or the pose of total relaxation (think lying down on your back, feet apart, hands freely on the side).

Someday. Who knows. I never thought I would go beyond my trial class.

*For more details about Yogaplus, please check this link.

'Like' Notes.

I can't believe notes like these have been written by a Grade 2 girl. And I am amazed that the notes were personally given by the Grade 2 girl to a boy classmate.

While I was proud that this was given to my JG, I was scratching my head... confused that kids, actually, LITTLE GIRLS nowadays are capable of professing love or shall I say like to boys they fancy. 

I was trying to remember if I had the same kind of fondness for a boy when I was 7. There were flashbacks where I was being teased to random boys and being so mad about it. But I do not recall having the courage to give a note of sweet nothings to the opposite sex.

Now, JG is talking about having his first girlfriend. Ha! I was speechless for a few seconds.

What a brave little girl. I hope to see her soon.

Aftermath.

2014 was all about the pregnancy and having AC. It was no surprise that shopping for self was the least thing in my mind.

It is now 2015. Just a little over the half year mark. And I just came to realize that I have busted my shoe shopping budget big time.

Here is the first of the series. Quite expensive Tory Burch so I was thinking back in January that this would be my last shoe purchase for the year.

I was doing great. No purchase since January. Then came the walking shoes which I bought at Aerosoles in May. Something that I said to myself I needed given the amount of walking I was about to do in my business trip to London.

July. Sale season. I have been wanting to purchase another Kenneth Cole as it was the only shoe my feet love dearly. I did not dare getting a pair for the longest time because they cost almost P8,000. But shoes were 50% off this month.

And last but not the least, another damage caused by the July sale season. Reason was to support the British economy through Dune. And oh, I never had any sandals for so long.

I guess things catch up pretty fast. You thought you have lost but no. A shoe shopper by heart will always be a shoe shopper. 

I must point out, though, that I never ever buy shoes that are not on sale - it just does not make sense to buy at full price.

That is it. I am done for this year - let's extend to next year.

Oops. I still need to buy one more for my sister's wedding. Shucks.

Two Kids. Several Roles.

I know that having two kids is difficult. But I never thought it would be THAT difficult.

It is really literally juggling different roles on a daily basis. I am not only a Mom, I am also a:

• wife
• a boss at work
• a subordinate at work
• a colleague at work
• a chief operating officer at home
• a teacher to my 7 year old

Let us not forget that I, too, am a daughter, a sister, a girlfriend, an in-law. Thankfully, those roles do not take much of my time but, of course, I need to be where I should be when necessary.

And then there is myself. I do need to do a cameo regularly, don't I?

Oh, I do not want to be glorified for my superhuman-ness. I really have no time for that. They say it is a choice I made so most definitely I have to swallow the consequences of it - and yes fully aware of that. But sometimes, whenever I am in my most sacred alone time (short but sweet nowadays), I do think why things have come to this. Not my choices, but the fact that there needs to be choices between home and non-home stuff.

And that is a bigger question that I do not think will have enough answers. So I carry on as usual and look forward to the time when things get easier - I am sure they will.